Can't believe it has been 7 years since we said "Goodbye"

The inevitable

September 2003, the most devastating news was to be made. Cliff you have lung cancer and I suggest you get your paper work in order.

So what would you do after being told bluntly that you are dieing?

I know I would crumble into a heap. But not Cliff, being the organized man he was he did what the doctor told him. He ensured every last detail he could possible do was completed. He wanted Jo’s transition to be as smooth as possible. He was always thinking of others.

On Thursday nights Jo would often be out at a swimming meeting, so with this time Cliff did as much as possible to have things in order. Cliff went and saw the funeral home with Beth and talked to them and had a look, a very difficult time for both of them but he wanted to spare Jo the pain. Joanne remembers one phone call she had while Jo was out regarding the funeral venue. “The Guardian funeral home in Blacktown has a nice chapel, close to the train station” Cliff said, Joanne replies “so what good is that too you? That is what hearses are for, there not putting you in a parcel van. Those days are long gone.” With that he had a laugh. He did listen to anyone that had a suggestion for the funeral. Joanne's main concern was that the service be at his place of rest, he was not to go from place to place.

On the 13^th December 2003, Jo, Cliff, Beth and Joanne meet with the Funeral plan representative to pre organize and pay for the funeral and also to pre organize Jo’s as not to burden the family with that in years to come.

Beth came down regularly to accompany Jo and Cliff to doctor’s appointments, I do believe this was of tremendous help to them both, and the other children are very grateful for the time she put in to caring for Dad.

Cliff’s last visit to the trams was most upsetting; he had put so much time, love and effort into that organization that for it all too be over was heart drenching. Joanne still cries walking through the gates of Valley Heights Steam Tram Society. It is like he is their in some respect.

We made his last Christmas as special as could be and all the family except his grand daughter Keli were there to help join in the festive season. Keli would have loved to have been there but she now lived in New Zealand. We had the big festive meal and presents galore, not to mention a few cold beverages. Cliff made a small speech to thank everyone for their love and support which was very warm and loving, and it was hard to not shed a tear. We all gave Cliff a book which was of the life of legendary country singer Slim Dusty, he started to read this as Slim was a favourite of his, but he was never to complete the book.

Boxing Day was held at Matt and Joanne’s; all but the exception of Linda and Mark was there as they had to head back to Dungowan. It was a very relaxed day by the pool with lots of food and once again those cold beverages came out in force. This may have been the hardest thing for Cliff not feeling well enough to have a beer. He did always love his beer, and always sought out what was on special that week before making a purchase.

From here he went down hill quick, his breathing was becoming weaker, and he was fading away to a shadow. This was hard watching a healthy, energetic person dwindle away. Matt, Jamie, Brett and Ben went out to see Pa and help Jo with a few things, not long after they left Jo had to call an Ambulance for Cliff. His breathing was shot!! That was it, 5 days in Blacktown hospital, never to come home again. The first few days he still had his facilities but they soon left the building. He would look at us and ask “where are the kids” he did love all his grandchildren so much. The last few days were horrible and I can still picture us all sitting on the floor and chairs by his bed side. The last 2 nights 2 of us would stay over night with him, he was never alone in the last few days. The strength of pulling together really showed through this most horrifying period of our lives.

One afternoon while he was asleep due to the morphine Grant did his invoices for work with the help of Joanne, we were as normal as possible and he would not have wanted it any other way. We laughed, we cried, we picked on each other we did what any normal family would do. When he would come around when the drugs were wearing off he would put his hands up and ask what do I have to sign to finish this, he was always one to dot the I’s and cross the t’s. The night Joanne stayed over night with Cliff she had never cried so much she just let it out, the thought of him leaving them was too much to comprehend.  Cliff didn’t want to go on for ever in hospital but he put on a fight, always taking just one more breath, then...another... then when we thought he had gone....one last one, he had to get the last word in! We in unison let out a laugh. It was hard to walk out and leave him there, but he is in all our hearts forever and that is what we have to do, cherish his memories.

Back at the house, Beth and Joanne went up to his desk to start to organize it and find the phone numbers required for the next step. Cliff had on a piece of paper jotted down the 20th January 2004 and scribbled a square around it,

Beth and Joanne just held each others arm and froze; this was the day Cliff passed away the day we were holding this piece of paper. Do we show Mum or not? We did and now that piece of paper is safely away in the safe. He had jotted it down as it was the day the financial adviser was back from holidays.

There were more astonishing things we were to come across. On a hotel notepad which he had on the front cover titled, Things to Do. Then on every page was a name of an organization that required some form of action now that he had passed. In one colour he had recorded any action he had done and then it was up to Matt to continue. Cliff was all for a smooth transition. When it came time to fill in the death certificate it showed what type of a character this man was. He had filled in everything he could. What person has the courage and strength to do that for others, what he was going through no one could fathom. He was one man that truly shone in our eyes.

But life for us had to go on there is a funeral to contend with, an outfit, food, all the little things that you really don’t want to deal with, you want crawl under a rock and cry! Well Joanne did want too. Beth, Joanne and Lauren went shopping to find something to wear to the funeral. Beth had not flown home and had not thought that to pack an outfit would be necessary. Joanne brought what she thought was a nice top for Ben, she washed it and hung it on her back line to dry, it vanished! Never to be seen again, till this day it has never shown up. It was if Pa didn't think it was good enough and took it with him.

Everyone in the family had their own way of dealing with their loss, and maybe something’s were said that should have been left for another time or not at all, but Death leaves you emotionally drained, distraught and your emotions are so raw.

One of the hardest days for Beth was when we had to go to office works in Blacktown to print out the order of services for the ceremony. She cried so much that I had to apologise to the man behind the counter. I just simply said “office works does do this to people!” Beth's heart still skips a beat when she passes an Officeworks store.

Driving into Pine grove that Friday morning I remember asking the driver if all those people where for Dad. Yes was the reply. It was numbing to think of how many people respected and loved him. Apart from that the rest is a blur, the flowers wouldn’t stop arriving at Jo’s home, every few minutes the door bell would ring, and she thought for a minute the delivery driver had the hots for her.

It was hard to come to terms with Cliff gone, when you had a problem you would normally pick up the phone and ask him to help solve it. Then you realised he wasn’t here anymore to ask and you had to work out your own problems. Seven years on we still go too pick up the phone. We will always miss him and with him leaving has left a whole in all our hearts.

Pa's last Christmas 2003

Cliff's last trip to his beloved Trams

Having a rest at the Trams.

Last photo of Jo & Cliff

Pa and some of his family, He always had to be part of the fun. This was taken at Grant's on the weekend we celebrated Mum & Dad's 50th wedding anniversary.